Hello BASK friends! While today is a special day that brings many families and individuals in the United States together, for people who struggle with body image problems and eating disorders, it is also a time that is filled with tremendous anxiety and dread. This information is for those who struggle and it is also for all of us to be mindful of ways to support others. In my work as a clinical psychologist this time of year is when I help my clients develop a plan to cope with the holiday eating season (that starts with Halloween and slows after the New Year). For people who battle eating disorders and body image problems, here are some tips that can help you have a more peaceful celebration:
1) Focus on the joy and reason for coming together. Make the day about gratitude and reflect on what and who you appreciate.
2) Remember that this is only one day. If you eat more than you normally would at a dinner, remember that this is not your "norm."
3) Expect that people are likely going to talk about the food, how much they ate, and how they may want to exercise "to make room" for what they eat. It may be helpful to reframe that people are not trying to be insensitive.
4) If people comment on your body, how much you served yourself or ate, you have a right to tell them that you would rather not focus on that or do not appreciate those comments. You have to decide what you are not willing to "take" and it is up to you to decide where to "draw the line", with who, how and when.
5) Chat with one or two loved ones beforehand who know or need to know about your discomfort with food based celebrations and ask for their help to steer conversation away from food and weight.
6) Let yourself have the food you like and choose your desired amount. If it is a small plate or a large plate, it is all okay. You don't have to answer to people who want to know why you chose what or how much you chose. If you must give a response, you can say that this is what you are hungry for.
7) Practice mindful eating. Describe to yourself (in your head) what it tastes like, smells like, looks like, sounds like, and feels like. You can also practice being mindful in general and describe what your senses observe (not just food based.)
8) Try your best to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. Fasting or skipping meals to compensate for calories later is dangerous. Learn how to listen to your body's hunger and fullness cues.
9) When you need a break, take one. Maybe it is to go outside and get some fresh air, or to go to a room by yourself, and/or practice some relaxation and deep breathing.
Finally, let's all be mindful of how this holiday and ones like it can be extremely triggering and terrifying for people who have eating disorders and negative body image. Many people suffer in silence so you may not know if someone is having a difficult time. Since you may not know if someone has eating issues, it is a good rule of thumb to practice the following tips regardless of who you are with. Refrain from comments about your body and others' bodies and what people put on their plates and what they eat or do not eat. Suggesting people take more food and being a "food pusher" can be very stressful to people. Let others decide what and how much they want to eat. Finally, "fat-talk" is super triggering. This comes in many forms like, "You look great. Have you lost weight? or other critical comments that shame someone or statements like, "I have to run x miles before I can eat." Being afraid to eat and hating one's body makes Thanksgiving and other large celebrations centered around food incredibly scary and unnerving. I hope that this helps you feel more comfortable and supported if you do struggle and I also hope it helps you know how to support those who have eating and body image issues. May today be a time to gather with the people you love. Thank you for taking your time today.
With gratitude,
Kerry
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