This has been an unbelievable time in our lives in which the role and tasks of motherhood take on a new meaning of their own. For most mothers I know, myself included, we are burned the eff out. It is a level of exhaustion that I have never felt before in my life. For so many moms in the last year, it has been extra hard to carve out needed time for one’s self to feel refreshed. Sometimes that bar is so low you could trip over it and that is okay. Your self-care may just be a 4-minute walk around the neighborhood or listening to your favorite podcast in the car. Do you know what I say? It is better than nothing and the symbolism of taking at least some time for yourself is what it is important.
Recently, laughter was just the energy boost that I needed. One of my very best and dearest friends (a fellow mom and therapist) shared a hilarious post (See below) about motherhood and boy did it resonate!
https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+piss+off+a+mom+in+8+easy+steps&safe=strict&rlz=1C9BKJA_enUS896US896&hl=en-US&prmd=ivsn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiCpaCay7vwAhWDZs0KHcj8BnAQ_AUoAXoECAIQAQ&biw=1366&bih=909#imgrc=AgDfniObjLtzvM by the hilarious https://imightbefunny.com/.
It prompted many women, including her and I to share a hilarious back and forth about the trials of motherhood and she eloquently called it the “dueling pianos of worn out moms”. Exhibits A-E were random things left out everywhere (one shin guard on the table, dirty socks at the leg of a table, small LEGO car where I was eating, another shin guard on the carpet, a half bag of tortilla chips opened and perched halfway on a counter top which then did not get put away but relocated to another counter in the kitchen. What I absolutely loved about this was that it brought her (in Georgia) and I (in Colorado) together for just a short moment. The laughter and shared experience were so healing for these burned out mommas. 🙂
I wish you a day in which you get to do something that fills your cup. If you have been following me for a while, you will know that this is different for everyone. See the BASK Ultimate Self-Care Wheel for ideas. If you haven’t done so, please take the BASK Ultimate Self-Care quiz at the top of the website to see how you are doing in the self-care department.
Some moms want to spend it with their loved ones and some just may want time to themselves because let’s be honest, many of us had a lot of time with each other and a little bit of alone time is likely sorely needed. There is no shame in the mom who really just wants a hotel room for a night to herself. I want that too and I am not ashamed to admit it. You can fiercely love your kids and want and need a break from them. It is healthy and completely acceptable. Some moms may want a nice blend of the two. I think it is important that you declare or do what you can to carve out what would make you happy and ask for what you want. Our loved ones cannot read our minds.
For me, I am looking forward to some time off from “chores”, a little time outside, a delicious meal that I don’t have to plan and cook or have to clean up after, hugs, connecting with my family, a picture with my kids and husband (yep, I am one of those moms), and some real relaxation (favorite coffee drink, a funny movie, an epsom salt bath, and some delicious dark chocolate).
To the moms who are grieving, and to those who are missing and grieving their moms and/or are not connected to them, please know that you are all loved and that it is important to think about what mothering means to you. To all who are grieving, my heart goes out to you. I know this day can be so painful when we have experienced loss.
I hope that you can do what feels meaningful to you regarding Mother’s Day. If you are grieving and missing your mother and/or child, what brings you closer to them? Is it sharing a memory with a loved one about her, doing an activity that reminds you of them or having a special meal that makes you think of them? If you have a strained relationship or have never had a mother figure, what mothering or nurturing activities can you do for yourself?
Please take this day and do something nurturing for yourself and reflect on what mothering means to you and what you need. When we take care of ourselves, we can be there for the people who need us the most. If you would like, please tell me what motherhood means to you and what you need today. I’m holding you close this Mother’s Day.
With Kindness,
Kerry
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