Hi and welcome to Body Appreciation and Self-Kindness (BASK).com. Here at BASK, you will find all kinds of information about ways to celebrate body appreciation and embody self-kindness. Learning how to appreciate one’s body and treat one’s self with kindness leads to lives that are happier, balanced, and more fulfilling. When we follow this path, we are better able to handle life’s stressors, strengthen bonds, and deepen our relationships with others. I welcome your questions and comments as we embark on this journey together.
My husband and I have vowed to teach our children about the value of money from an early age. We have a 3rd grader and a pre-schooler. The one battle that my husband and I find ourselves fighting is the war against marketing to children. Advertisers and marketers bi-pass parents and market directly to children. Not surprising, children as young as 12 months recognize the Golden Arches, among many other company logos. We are bombarded with 5000 advertisement and brand exposures a day. For goodness sake, my 5 year old who loves to watch train videos, is getting marketed to when he watches these on YouTube.
One of my passions is media literacy and so I understand the tactics that are used to market products, including the techniques that are used to market to children. Sometimes, I regrettably decide to take my children with me to the grocery store or on errands, like to Target. All joking aside. I think it is important to be able to bring one’s children into these kinds of stores so that they know how to behave (read recite the rules that are laid down before them), can begin to understand the value of money, and finally appreciate the fine art of delayed gratification (do any of you know about the classic “Marshmallow experiment?” ) We will save that topic for another day.
Sometimes, I will drive into the parking lot of these stores and say, “What in the world am I doing? Do I really need to do this now?” The Boulder/green mom and thrifty one in me says, “Yes. You have to. You are not going to waste gas to make a separate trip later. More importantly, your time is valuable, Momma!” OK. So once that battle gets resolved in my head or perhaps out loud, it is time to bite the proverbial bullet and dive into Target. “So what are the rules before we go in guys?” Dutifully, my 9 year-old replies, “That we are only going to buy what we came for and that we cannot beg and plead for things in the store. If there is anything that we do like, we can tell you so you know what we like.” Well done, my first born!
Let’s take a walk right into the grocery store. The first battleground is produce. Are you kidding me? No, I am not. There are Dora carrots. “Can we get these carrots (as it looks like they are shining in their own sparkling spotlight)?”, my 9 year-old pleads. I say, ” Well first of all, these are twice as much as the generic brand and second, I like buying the whole carrots.” Dora is selling carrots. Good for Nickelodeon, but it is not good for our pocketbook. Thankfully, this gives me an easy opportunity to point out some ways to make sensible decisions and teach some basic math comparisons.
Next up are the aisles. I literally have to rush by the cartoon endorsed crackers, cereal bars, and cereal. If you are walking by these areas, it is important to notice that the characters (Trix rabbit) are angled to make eye contact with your children who are at the height of the seat in the grocery cart. Slick. Very slick or in my opinion, Frustrating! By the end of the shopping trip, my kids have gotten the message loud and clear.
Because Target is one-stop shopping, I take my toddler to try on some tennis shoes. Oh goodness. Guess what I did not see? The light-up Spider-Man tennis shoes. My husband’s and my motto/preference is to limit or ideally nix buying the character endorsed products. My little man walks up to me and says, “Look at these!” My heart starts to break a little. One, I understand that these are super cool and if I were a 5-year-old boy this is what I would want too. If it were going to be one pair of character shoes, I would be more okay with it, but in my opinion, it is a slippery slope where the more you say yes, the more they will keep asking for these kinds of products. See. The marketing works very well. I, frankly, am going to get tired of having to go there. I don’t want to confuse them and send a mixed message. Ultimately, I want them to have the needed information so that they can be informed consumers and make the decisions that are best for them. So please hear me. I am not saying to not buy character themed items. Who am I to say that? In our family, it is our preference to teach what we value and let our children see how we make decisions based on our values and then they can practice the skill of being a conscientious consumer and hopefully it will stick.
The last stop is the checkout line. Those marketers and grocery store stagers know exactly what they are doing. Parents are worn out and cursing themselves for deciding to bring their kids (yep, that’s me) and then there are all of the little things your little person has to have like gum, mints, hair ties, small packages of goldfish crackers, small Lego kits, lipgloss and much more.
What is a parent to do?
Learn media literacy. Stay tuned for future post on media literacy tools.
For older children, let them see how far their money will go if they decide to buy a character product versus a generic one.
Have established rules before you head into these stores.
Figure out your family values when it comes to money and what you spend your money on. Start teaching your children these when they are young so they can see them in action.
For children, it is important to teach them how to be consumers at an early age and with that comes the task of teaching them how to be media literate. Media literacy helps us be conscientious consumers and with the skills of media literacy, we can help inoculate children and ourselves against influential media messages that shape our culture.
What are your thoughts about marketing to children? Do you have any similar stories of this kind of battleground? Have any of you considered becoming media literate? What is your stance on purchasing cartoon or character endorsed products? As always, thank you for stopping by. I look forward to hearing from you.
I am a clinical psychologist with years of education and clinical experience. But, just because I am a clinical psychologist, it does not mean I have it all figured out when it comes to human behavior. Some of my most head scratching, challenging, yet rewarding moments have been as a mother of my two young children, who light up my life. My husband and I are currently seeking support to help us with communicating with our children.
Motivating them to do things, like the bedtime or morning routine, sometimes feel like it is going to take an act of God every…single…day/night. I have tried all kinds of things to motivate my children, including lists, picture task charts, one-word prompts, gestures (brushing teeth hand motions), ignoring the negative behavior, raising my voice, yelling (I admit it), and rewards like “as soon as you get your clothes on, then you can watch your train videos.” Believe me there are a lot of these gems on Youtube. Some things are sticking. I about fell off my chair when my 5 year old son said that he needed “to get ready for his day before he played.” What? Do you mean what I say is actually sinking in? Small victories
Since the morning and bedtime routines can be a time where I just want to put my head under the covers and leave it there until they are magically transported to bed or school, I have been seeking out my own education (via therapy and resources) on the realm of communicating and motivating my children. It only took one session for me to go, “I totally get it.” We, my amazing husband and I (two psychologists), have been getting this wrong for years. Yes, we have been “rewarding” positive behavior or so we thought. We have not been ignoring the negative behavior in the truest, most pure (read “effective”) way. We have ignored the behavior, but the frustration that has been seeping through hasn’t been doing anyone any favors. Other missing pieces to motivating our children have been to follow-up on the prompt or request with specific praise, like ” I really appreciate you deciding to put your clothes on before we leave the house” or “You made a good choice to…” It sounds so simple, but somehow it evaded my husband and I.
I am excited to discover more parenting pearls and share them here. How many of you can relate to the frustrating tasks of motivating kids to do x, y, z? I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas of what has worked for you. Thanks for reading. I hope to see you back here next time.
As my husband and I have started to learn more about connecting with our children, we have been getting down to basics thanks to our own family therapy support. It sounds so simple, but since it had not been part of our daily life, we have had to work at it. What is special time? It is quality time spent with one’s child that is 100% led by the child. No questions, no commands, no directions, or re-directs are allowed. That means no “How about we…or Let’s do…” In our adult-centric world, children thrive and need a sense of control over at least some part of their world. If you think about it, children are being told what to do all.day.long. It starts in the morning when they are getting ready to head to school. It continues with all of their school administrators, and then it continues again with coaches, parents, and any other adult who “is in charge” at the time, and then it happens more at bedtime.The benefits of special time for the child are numerous and include “feeling more settled, less stressed, and more confident and connected” (Simperingham, 2013).
What does special time look like? For my daughter, it may be coloring, doing a craft, playing UNO, our favorite Bananagrams, Headsup, or any other game/activity. For my son, it can be cooking/baking, doing a puzzle, building Legos, playing trains, etc.
One day, my dear son, the self-proclaimed chocoholic, just like his mother and father, was insistent that I take him to his favorite grocery shop for chocolate covered pretzels. We were on the verge of a true meltdown. I felt his pain. Sometimes I literally could have had a meltdown about not having chocolate. The struggle IS real, y’all! I like a good chocolate fix like the next person. However, I was not going to make a special trip just to get chocolate covered pretzels because 1) he had just gone with his father this weekend and they had blown through their supply, 2) it was out of the way, 3) and it was expensive. So since we both love chocolate and needed an activity to do together, he decided that we would make our own chocolate covered pretzels.
DIY Chocolate Covered Pretzels
Melt half a bag of chocolate chips (the darker the better and 1 T of butter (helps make the chocolate shiny) in a bowl. Dip the pretzels or paint the pretzels with a spatula. For the sticks, I dipped my spatula in the chocolatey goodness and twirled it to get an awesome coating on the pretzels. You can leave them plain or jazz them up with caramel sauce, sprinkles of toffee bar or any other topping like round sprinkles. The topping possibilities are endless. Place them on a cookie sheet to harden in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
We had so much fun making our own as you can see. They didn’t last long, but the memories of making them will last a lifetime. This activity was such a good reminder that kids need special time with their parents and parents need it just as much. Enjoy. You will wish you made more. Trust me. There weren’t any when I got home from work. It is okay because they are easy to make.
What activities do you like to do with your child? How do you like to slow down and truly be there with your child? Thanks for reading. I look forward to hearing from you.
Kerry (your friendly chocoholic)
Simperingham,G. (2013). The benefits of spending quality one on one time with your child. Retrieved
Everywhere you look these days, there is a book, a smart phone application, or an article about coloring for stress relief. Coloring books have been for kiddos for as long as I can remember. It all started to change when I had children. Seven years ago, I remember being at a gymnastics meet and seeing a young mom and her daughter coloring together. I thought to myself, “That looks like a lot of fun.” Simple pleasures from childhood have come back now that I am a mother.
Fast forward to 2015 and the coloring book craze exploded. Coloring for adults has become quite popular and for good reason. Therapeutically, it does calm people down. It helps people recenter and focus. It has so many positive effects on the brain. According to Landa (2014), research has shown that drawing releases dopamine, which lead to feelings of pleasure. According to Gloria Ayala as cited in Santos (2014), the relaxation from coloring decreases the activity of the amygdala, which is linked to emotions due to stress. I love to hear adults enjoying this. One of my clients who had panic attacks found great relief in being able to color when she felt an attack coming on. Apparently, Jung was one of the first psychologists to use coloring, and did so with mandalas, as a way to induce relaxation (Santos, 2014).
I love coloring too and so does my daughter. We have really enjoyed coloring mandalas printed off of the web and also a fun mandala coloring application on the smartphone. See my creation above in which I used the application, Colorfy. It is really fun. Making something beautiful is really calming and when it comes to coloring, it is really easy. After a very hard day that was emotionally charged for me, I colored the above picture. It was a time to calm down, breathe, and create a beautiful picture.
So, in summary, coloring and art are great for inducing relaxation and calm. They are an important skill/resource for all, including therapists since we are not immune to stress just because we teach techniques to reduce it. Grab your favorite coloring design and colored pencils or even a smartphone application and start coloring away your stress. I am eager to hear your thoughts about drawing/art. Have any of you found coloring/art to be therapeutic? When do you color? What do you love about it? I look forward to hearing from you.
As always thanks for stopping by.
Colorfy: Coloring Book for Adults-Best Free App. (2017, February 25).