Hello friends! January is already over and I am really late to the party on making resolutions. Last year, I had a pretty kick a$$ list. My therapist even said so. 🙂 Thank you very much.
This year, I am boiling it down to the most essential ingredients. My 2018 is all about intentionality and mindfulness. What does this mean exactly? Well, in everything that I plan to do from day-to-day I want to do it with intention and awareness. As parents of two highly energetic young children (10 and 5, one who is a competitive gymnast and the other who keeps us on our toes, literally), my husband and I were talking about how to make life less hectic. Y’all it comes down to this rubric. If you cannot answer whether you want to do something with a “Heck Yes!” then make it a “No.” There are too many times where many of us spread ourselves too thin. Come on. I know that you have been there. You might even be my neighbor on the street, “Do More Avenue”, for crying out loud.
One of my resolutions last year was to incorporate a mindfulness practice. I am happy to say that I am pretty proud of my efforts here. What has really helped is that I track this on my smartphone. Woo hoo! How cool is that! There are many phone apps for this kind of thing and I like the one called, Strides. What I absolutely love about mindfulness, besides all of the cool, empirical, neuro-based science and how it literally rewires one’s brain (more on that in a future post), is that it truly helps us find the pause between our thoughts and our actions. I am a huge fan of this on a personal and professional level because there are lots of chances to practice this. Am I right?
I decided to write a blog and call it Body Appreciation and Self- Kindness because I believe that all balance and wellness starts with ourselves. I would like to share a super eye-opening, messy moment that illuminated my need to be intentional about self-care as a habit.
In the fall, I had a very busy day doing the usual, (prepping for my clients the next day, cramming all I could in before picking the kids up, driving them all over God’s gorgeous green earth, picking up grocery items, making dinner for a 5 year-old who wasn’t really too interested in eating dinner, etc.) and when my husband came home, I broke down into a pile of tears and told him I was going to Body Pump. Say What? Yep! This is the class that I have not attended since our DINK (Double Income No Kid) days. I told my husband I just had to go. Now. In case you’re wondering, this is no way to welcome your spouse home. He was pretty sweet about the whole thing and didn’t balk one bit about my plan to jump ship… I mean go take a much needed self-care moment. I ended up not getting to go the class because I would have been late and this class fills up quickly. However, this moment, among many, served as a huge sign of “Take care of yourself” and that everyone, aside from you, truly deserves the best version of you. So as a small start, on the weekends, my husband and I make our exercise like breathing air. It is absolutely sacred and we have learned the hard way not to compromise these basic wellness strategies.We both need to get it done and take turns so we can tackle the many tasks of parenthood and run a household without losing our patience.
How is your 2018 shaping up so far? What kinds of resolutions have you made? I would love to hear about any wake-up call moments that motivated you to make an important change. Thanks for reading. I look forward to hearing from you.
My husband and I have vowed to teach our children about the value of money from an early age. We have a 3rd grader and a pre-schooler. The one battle that my husband and I find ourselves fighting is the war against marketing to children. Advertisers and marketers bi-pass parents and market directly to children. Not surprising, children as young as 12 months recognize the Golden Arches, among many other company logos. We are bombarded with 5000 advertisement and brand exposures a day. For goodness sake, my 5 year old who loves to watch train videos, is getting marketed to when he watches these on YouTube.
One of my passions is media literacy and so I understand the tactics that are used to market products, including the techniques that are used to market to children. Sometimes, I regrettably decide to take my children with me to the grocery store or on errands, like to Target. All joking aside. I think it is important to be able to bring one’s children into these kinds of stores so that they know how to behave (read recite the rules that are laid down before them), can begin to understand the value of money, and finally appreciate the fine art of delayed gratification (do any of you know about the classic “Marshmallow experiment?” ) We will save that topic for another day.
Sometimes, I will drive into the parking lot of these stores and say, “What in the world am I doing? Do I really need to do this now?” The Boulder/green mom and thrifty one in me says, “Yes. You have to. You are not going to waste gas to make a separate trip later. More importantly, your time is valuable, Momma!” OK. So once that battle gets resolved in my head or perhaps out loud, it is time to bite the proverbial bullet and dive into Target. “So what are the rules before we go in guys?” Dutifully, my 9 year-old replies, “That we are only going to buy what we came for and that we cannot beg and plead for things in the store. If there is anything that we do like, we can tell you so you know what we like.” Well done, my first born!
Let’s take a walk right into the grocery store. The first battleground is produce. Are you kidding me? No, I am not. There are Dora carrots. “Can we get these carrots (as it looks like they are shining in their own sparkling spotlight)?”, my 9 year-old pleads. I say, ” Well first of all, these are twice as much as the generic brand and second, I like buying the whole carrots.” Dora is selling carrots. Good for Nickelodeon, but it is not good for our pocketbook. Thankfully, this gives me an easy opportunity to point out some ways to make sensible decisions and teach some basic math comparisons.
Next up are the aisles. I literally have to rush by the cartoon endorsed crackers, cereal bars, and cereal. If you are walking by these areas, it is important to notice that the characters (Trix rabbit) are angled to make eye contact with your children who are at the height of the seat in the grocery cart. Slick. Very slick or in my opinion, Frustrating! By the end of the shopping trip, my kids have gotten the message loud and clear.
Because Target is one-stop shopping, I take my toddler to try on some tennis shoes. Oh goodness. Guess what I did not see? The light-up Spider-Man tennis shoes. My husband’s and my motto/preference is to limit or ideally nix buying the character endorsed products. My little man walks up to me and says, “Look at these!” My heart starts to break a little. One, I understand that these are super cool and if I were a 5-year-old boy this is what I would want too. If it were going to be one pair of character shoes, I would be more okay with it, but in my opinion, it is a slippery slope where the more you say yes, the more they will keep asking for these kinds of products. See. The marketing works very well. I, frankly, am going to get tired of having to go there. I don’t want to confuse them and send a mixed message. Ultimately, I want them to have the needed information so that they can be informed consumers and make the decisions that are best for them. So please hear me. I am not saying to not buy character themed items. Who am I to say that? In our family, it is our preference to teach what we value and let our children see how we make decisions based on our values and then they can practice the skill of being a conscientious consumer and hopefully it will stick. 🙂
The last stop is the checkout line. Those marketers and grocery store stagers know exactly what they are doing. Parents are worn out and cursing themselves for deciding to bring their kids (yep, that’s me) and then there are all of the little things your little person has to have like gum, mints, hair ties, small packages of goldfish crackers, small Lego kits, lipgloss and much more.
What is a parent to do?
Learn media literacy. Stay tuned for future post on media literacy tools.
For older children, let them see how far their money will go if they decide to buy a character product versus a generic one.
Have established rules before you head into these stores.
Figure out your family values when it comes to money and what you spend your money on. Start teaching your children these when they are young so they can see them in action.
For children, it is important to teach them how to be consumers at an early age and with that comes the task of teaching them how to be media literate. Media literacy helps us be conscientious consumers and with the skills of media literacy, we can help inoculate children and ourselves against influential media messages that shape our culture.
What are your thoughts about marketing to children? Do you have any similar stories of this kind of battleground? Have any of you considered becoming media literate? What is your stance on purchasing cartoon or character endorsed products? As always, thank you for stopping by. I look forward to hearing from you.
I am a clinical psychologist with years of education and clinical experience. But, just because I am a clinical psychologist, it does not mean I have it all figured out when it comes to human behavior. Some of my most head scratching, challenging, yet rewarding moments have been as a mother of my two young children, who light up my life. My husband and I are currently seeking support to help us with communicating with our children.
Motivating them to do things, like the bedtime or morning routine, sometimes feel like it is going to take an act of God every…single…day/night. I have tried all kinds of things to motivate my children, including lists, picture task charts, one-word prompts, gestures (brushing teeth hand motions), ignoring the negative behavior, raising my voice, yelling (I admit it), and rewards like “as soon as you get your clothes on, then you can watch your train videos.” Believe me there are a lot of these gems on Youtube. Some things are sticking. I about fell off my chair when my 5 year old son said that he needed “to get ready for his day before he played.” What? Do you mean what I say is actually sinking in? Small victories 🙂
Since the morning and bedtime routines can be a time where I just want to put my head under the covers and leave it there until they are magically transported to bed or school, I have been seeking out my own education (via therapy and resources) on the realm of communicating and motivating my children. It only took one session for me to go, “I totally get it.” We, my amazing husband and I (two psychologists), have been getting this wrong for years. Yes, we have been “rewarding” positive behavior or so we thought. We have not been ignoring the negative behavior in the truest, most pure (read “effective”) way. We have ignored the behavior, but the frustration that has been seeping through hasn’t been doing anyone any favors. Other missing pieces to motivating our children have been to follow-up on the prompt or request with specific praise, like ” I really appreciate you deciding to put your clothes on before we leave the house” or “You made a good choice to…” It sounds so simple, but somehow it evaded my husband and I.
I am excited to discover more parenting pearls and share them here. How many of you can relate to the frustrating tasks of motivating kids to do x, y, z? I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas of what has worked for you. Thanks for reading. I hope to see you back here next time.
As my husband and I have started to learn more about connecting with our children, we have been getting down to basics thanks to our own family therapy support. It sounds so simple, but since it had not been part of our daily life, we have had to work at it. What is special time? It is quality time spent with one’s child that is 100% led by the child. No questions, no commands, no directions, or re-directs are allowed. That means no “How about we…or Let’s do…” In our adult-centric world, children thrive and need a sense of control over at least some part of their world. If you think about it, children are being told what to do all.day.long. It starts in the morning when they are getting ready to head to school. It continues with all of their school administrators, and then it continues again with coaches, parents, and any other adult who “is in charge” at the time, and then it happens more at bedtime.The benefits of special time for the child are numerous and include “feeling more settled, less stressed, and more confident and connected” (Simperingham, 2013).
What does special time look like? For my daughter, it may be coloring, doing a craft, playing UNO, our favorite Bananagrams, Headsup, or any other game/activity. For my son, it can be cooking/baking, doing a puzzle, building Legos, playing trains, etc.
One day, my dear son, the self-proclaimed chocoholic, just like his mother and father, was insistent that I take him to his favorite grocery shop for chocolate covered pretzels. We were on the verge of a true meltdown. I felt his pain. Sometimes I literally could have had a meltdown about not having chocolate. The struggle IS real, y’all! I like a good chocolate fix like the next person. However, I was not going to make a special trip just to get chocolate covered pretzels because 1) he had just gone with his father this weekend and they had blown through their supply, 2) it was out of the way, 3) and it was expensive. So since we both love chocolate and needed an activity to do together, he decided that we would make our own chocolate covered pretzels.
DIY Chocolate Covered Pretzels
Melt half a bag of chocolate chips (the darker the better 🙂 and 1 T of butter (helps make the chocolate shiny) in a bowl. Dip the pretzels or paint the pretzels with a spatula. For the sticks, I dipped my spatula in the chocolatey goodness and twirled it to get an awesome coating on the pretzels. You can leave them plain or jazz them up with caramel sauce, sprinkles of toffee bar or any other topping like round sprinkles. The topping possibilities are endless. Place them on a cookie sheet to harden in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
We had so much fun making our own as you can see. They didn’t last long, but the memories of making them will last a lifetime. This activity was such a good reminder that kids need special time with their parents and parents need it just as much. Enjoy. You will wish you made more. Trust me. There weren’t any when I got home from work. 🙁 It is okay because they are easy to make.
What activities do you like to do with your child? How do you like to slow down and truly be there with your child? Thanks for reading. I look forward to hearing from you.
Kerry (your friendly chocoholic)
Simperingham,G. (2013). The benefits of spending quality one on one time with your child. Retrieved